When looking at our family photo, you see two beautiful children and adoring parents. What you don’t see, are the angels we have in our hearts and the dreams that left along with them.
There were supposed to be more…
More mouths to feed.
More cries to sooth.
More bottoms to clean.
More toys to step on.
More noises to be heard.
More food, diapers and wipes to buy.
More clothes to be handed down.
More memories.
More to love.
More to give.
There was supposed to be less…
Less space in the house.
Less space in the car.
Less space in the bed.
Less space in the tub.
Less space in the playroom.
Less alone time.
Less money.
But there was supposed to be more.
They tell you to be grateful for what we have. Be grateful for the children that are here in your arms.
Don’t for one second think that a mother is ungrateful for her children. I am GRATEFUL. But no matter the circumstances or diagnosis, there were supposed to be more.
I will carry them with me every day. Wonder who they would have been. Wonder who we would have been with them here.
And yes, mother’s day is a day of gratitude and appreciation, but it is also a day of pain.
Tips on managing Mother’s Day Fear
after a child loss…
1. Keep a journal…
Keeping a journal helped me voice my concerns, fears, thoughts, heartache and more, without judgement. You mentally, physically and emotionally go through SOOOOO much during the loss of a child and it is very difficult to voice those feelings. You feel lost, vulnerable and its hard to get words through the lump in your throat. Write it down, tell yourself you are going to make it, you are going to get through this!
2. Memorial
Do something in memory of your little one. Plant a perennial flower or tree. Get a digital family portrait made. You can even get a tattoo! Choose something that might not bring immediate happiness, but down the road will make you remember you have a sweet angel watching over you. ***We have planted tulips and trees. Every year I see them bloom I think of how beautiful life really is and how I am so grateful to be a mom to those sweet angels.
3. Skip the holiday!
That’s right! Skip it! Take a mini vacation, trip or just stay in and avoid it all together. I skipped Mother’s Day for 3 years. I told my husband I didn’t want to think about it, it was too depressing and he arranged for a distracting day to keep my mind off things. We have taken a drive through historic towns, we have landscaped, gone to the movies, had a picnic (restaurants aren’t a distraction), went to the farm to fish, rode on our side by side, and prayed. Whatever you enjoy doing that will distract you, if it’s even only for a second.
4. Don’t Rush!
You need to heal emotionally and physically. If you don’t want to go out and see people, don’t go! It is OK to say no! Please take your time, broken hearts need time to heal.
5. Write a letter…
Write a letter to your little one. Yes, this is sad and emotional, but what part of it isn’t? It’s hard to go from talking to your belly and rubbing your tummy to feeling empty with no desire to get out of bed. Talk to your baby, you still carry them with you. ***We made ornaments with some of each of our babies things with little letters.
My Mother’s Day Prayer
I pray for the hopeful mother.
The praying mother.
The infertile mother.
The adopting mother.
The birth mother.
The mother of angels.
The mother of the sick and in pain.
The mother who is tired and breaking but can’t show it.
I PRAY FOR EVERY MOTHER.
I am a hopeful mother, a mother of two beautiful children with two very different journeys to my arms, and I am also the mother of angels. Every one’s path to motherhood is different. Mine was painful and still is. But I am not ungrateful and I do not take for granted what I am blessed with…I will just forever wonder about the “more”.