2019 was one of my favorites! I grew sooooo much this past year and feel like I aged a hundred!!
We didn’t think that we would bounce back from 2018. We didn’t think we would find our strength, faith or hope again. 2018 was our toughest year emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and whatever other “ally” words that mean it was tough!! We had given up on ourselves, our dreams and almost gave up on one another but were given hope at the end which ultimately became our beginning.
We officially started our adoption adventure in 2018 after years of loss, testing and heartbreaking doctor visits. We had NO CLUE what we were doing and felt even more lost through the process! After research, paper work, home studys, classes, more paperwork, seminars, more classes and more paperwork, we became an active family.
Right after we became active we were struck down with the loss of my grandmother and the loss of Michael’s father within one week of one another. We lost two VERY important people in our lives who we wanted a part of our children’s lives and we were yet again discouraged.
One week later we received a phone call telling us that we and another family were being considered for a match. We saw this as a message from above that our loved ones were sending us a miracle! We face timed, spoke several times and in the end, we were selected for a baby due in just 3 weeks!
It seemed so fast yet so far away! The day before our flight was to leave, I received a phone call saying the mother was having second thoughts. I cried saying that I understood. We decided to keep our plans and fly to Arizona, just in case and we let go and let God knowing that we may not return home with a baby in our arms.
The next 24 hours were tough. The mother did change her mind and decided to keep her sweet baby. We were sad but again, understood. We would then find out that we couldn’t get a flight home for 4 days (unless we wanted to spend $2,000 and have several layovers…no thank you) so we decided to tough it out and stay.
Two days later we met with our agent and she asked if we would be interested in becoming active again. We didn’t know that she had a mother ready for us! We met with our son’s birth mother two days later and signed our contract to become parents to a baby boy due 4 months later.
At the end of 2018 we met our son James and found out we were expecting. 2018 brought grief but it did bring us so much happiness in the end!
2018 broke us, but it also saved us. 2019 came with so many firsts, happiness and love. 2019 brought us back.
Every year I change. I am not the person I was when my husband met me. I am not the person my husband dated. I am not the person he got engaged to. I am not the person he married. I am not the person I was last year, this year, last week or yesterday. I am constantly changing, and thank goodness!
Without change, I wouldn’t have become the mother of two beautiful miracles. I wouldn’t be the wife of an amazing and understanding man. Without change, I wouldn’t be me. A woman who is happy some days, sad or depressed others and perfectly OK to admit it, and I wouldn’t be as forgiving or loving of myself. Time changes but so do we, and I am grateful for all the changes 2019 sent me. Here’s to the changes of 2020!